Fixed Point

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.
James 1:2‭-‬5

Continuing the thought of exercising my faith from last week.

Exercising

What does exercising faith look like?

like this;

Jonathan got his glasses last week. I knew that this was going to be hard.

The day we were at the doctor and we were told he needed glasses he didn’t like the idea. Told me “I don’t need them…”

But the doctor knew better and could see he does.

We picked up the glasses after school early in the week. He wore them at home and he seemed to be doing a little better about it.

But the next morning he once again said he was not going to wear them to school.

I tried everything to encourage him. Promising his favorite M&M’s or Sonic after school basically anything he wanted. Still, nothing worked…

The kids got out in the car line as usual. I then went into the school to dig Jonathan’s sweater out of the lost and found (love Mom life).

This gave me the opportunity to go over to him before class.

I tried to put his glasses on him, he wouldn’t let me.

I found a side room so he could talk to me. (He still won’t talk around others.)

We talked I told him it’s important he wears them. I put them on him.

It was then I could see his little face and body language change.

As a mom, I have to push him but at this point, it’s time to stop.

I let him put them away.

By the time I got to my car tears had worked their way down my face.

This is my 7yr old son, it’s hard to see him struggle; his hearing loss, his glasses and with anxiety on top of all of it.

Asking Why

Later that afternoon at home we once again talked about how he needs to wear his glasses.

He looked at me and asked “I already have my hearing ears (hearing aids) why do I need glasses too? Why do I need both?”

I just hugged him

I don’t have answers.

I’ve asked God the same thing.

I’m taken back to just after the doctor’s appointment and the diagnosis of hearing loss.

After taking my child back to school I sat in my car and just cried.

I cried “…I already deal with so much with Grace why these too?”

Now Jonathan is asking “why both?”

These are moments that break my heart in a way that words can not describe.

It is in these moments that one of my friends reminds me “He is walking with you”

Today this doesn’t feel good

Today is hard

Today my faith is being put to the test.

Today I feel like I’m at the end of myself, I have nothing left.

It takes work as I exercise my faith.

I am thankful for my God, My Father, that holds me in these days.

Fixed Point

Exercising faith isn’t easy. I feel like I can’t do it all and that I am not enough, overwhelmed and worn out.

Today my pastor made a point that met me where I am today.

When a car is in a tailspin you have to find a fixed point in order to get it back under control.

The same goes for life.

Sometimes life hits hard and unexpectedly.

For me, this also means days that break my heart.

And my world can seem to be spinning around me.

It is in these days that I need to fix my eyes on my unchanging God.

“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever” (Hebrews 13:8).

He is my fixed point.

When I fix my eyes on Him I remember His many promises.

I remember WHO’S I am and that I am not walking alone.

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Father, when my world seems to be out of control thank you that you are unchanging and are my fixed point. I may not know what tomorrow brings but I know that You are the One Who holds tomorrow. Help me to hold on to you through this time and that through this my faith will be made stronger. Thank you that You never leave me but are walking through this time with me. As I am learning through this time I have children who are watching, pray that they see my faith here and that they see You. Help me to point them to you when they cry and they ask questions. Thank you for the blessing of being a Mother to these children and all that they teach me.

~Amen