Do Not Fear

The Bible says “do not fear” 365 times.

But today I find myself in a place I know that I am afraid.

It seems like I am reliving a nightmare that I never wanted to be in the first time.

I was told diagnosis (a long list) for Grace while I was pregnant with her 8 months later I received a phone call telling me she has down syndrome, she was 9 weeks old.

In January I was told of 3 diagnoses for Anna and Jonathan. Less then a year later I’m waiting on another phone call.

We went to a generics doctor to for test that may tell us why they have hearing loss and what kind. It can also tell us what to expect in the future.

answers seem like they should be a good thing, but I’ve gotten a phone call before and I’m not so sure I want another one.

I’ve been here before

Last time I didn’t tell anyone how hard it was on me.

This time I texted two of my trusted friends. I told her I don’t even know where to start praying. I am just a scared Mama right now.

It may be a little selfish but I cry to these friends because I know she is a woman of strong faith.

Because, though I know, she will remind me our God walks with me.

Because hearing her confidence in God reassures me.

She even texted me this verse;

For God has not given us a spirit of fear… but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. -2 Timothy 1:7

God knows that we will struggle with fear. We have a “do not fear” for every day of the year.

I am thankful that God knows my weaknesses and struggles and meets me where I am.

I am thankful for friends who let me lean on her and encourage me. Friends, I know who pray for me and will pray me through this time.

A friend who prays for you is one of God’s greatest blessings

I am far from having this all figured out.

I still am walking through days that scare me. Days that drive me to my knees.

I can’t yet see the good that will come from today. But, I cling to the promise that God will work even this for good in my life and in my children’s life.

Today it takes every bit of me to keep taking the next step.

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Father thank you that in the days that I come to the end of myself and my strength it is here that you meet me. When tomorrow is uncertain I have peace because I know that You hold tomorrow. That You will never leave me to walk this life alone but with me, my comforter and strength. Keep me close to you as I walk through this time. Thank you for being my tender loving Father to whom I can run to.

~Amen

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