If it is Strength You See…

When someone hears my story I sometimes get told
“you’re strong…”
“God won’t give you more than you can handle”
I’ve often just smiled but I really don’t like being told this. They may see the girl standing in front of them at the moment and she may look strong. But what they don’t know is that I am literally biting my tongue because I don’t want to cry (again).
Me… strong… no…
If it is strength you see it is not mine.
If I could handle it I wouldn’t need Him, but I do

The Unseen Moments

You didn’t see the girl crying in the car after the first diagnosis of severe hearing loss (knowing I was going back the next week with another child)
asking “why…” crying “It’s not fair, I already deal with so much with Grace, why these too? This is too much… I can’t do all this”.
Or the girl sitting beside my son’s bed as he goes to sleep. He reached over, held my hand and said: “Mommy, sing to me”. So, I did as I have many times before… but this time I choked up and tears ran down my face because I don’t know if he will always be able to hear me sing to him.
Right now we don’t know what has caused the hearing loss. We don’t know if we can expect it to get worse or stay stable. We will be doing some tests that will hopefully tell us. Right now I don’t know what tomorrow will hold for us.
God does give me more than I can handle. If I could handle it I wouldn’t need Him, but I do. I can not do this on my own.

Stand on Faith

I have a friend who often reminds me “He is right there with you”. Not because I don’t know…. but because it puts my focus back to where it belongs, on God.
It is moments like this when my faith is shaken that I stand on the faith of my friends. Hearing their confidence that God is able, because they have seen it before, breaths hope into my spirit. It is my friends who remind me who our God is and that through Him I can do all things (Philippians 4:8). It is only through Him that I am able to do what I need to do to take care of these children He has blessed me with.
So, I will sit with my son and sing to him as he falls asleep. Because one day he will be

Little ones

grown… and because I don’t know what tomorrow holds. I don’t know if he will always be able to hear me sing to him. So, today I will treasure these moments.

If you see strength it is not mine.
2 Corinthians 12:9a says;
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”
It is His grace that gives me strength, His strength, where I am weak. When it is too much for me. Right now we are at the beginning of this story. We don’t have answers and can’t see how God is going to use this yet. Today, today is just hard. Today I need grace to give me the strength to get up and take the next step. To keep believing that God is working, that He is with me and to praise Him even if.

If you see strength it is not mine, it is God’s.

My Praryer
Father thank you for your amazing Grace. Your grace that brought me salvation and your grace that is with me every day. Your grace that gives me the strength to take the next step. Keep my eyes on you when days are long and hard and when I can’t see the end yet. Thank you for friends that help me to look to you on these days. Thank you for being my Father who sees every tear, hears every prayer, thank you for loving me.

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